“I
had the choice to come back.... or not.
I
chose to return when I realized
That
‘heaven’ is a state, not a place...”
Cancer has always intrigued me. I saw a
very close relative fight the decease, beat it and then let down his guard and
succumb to it. It was scary to see a healthy man shrivel and become half the man
he was and then finally slip away into the beyond. I wondered what transpired
when he was leaving his body and moving into the unknown. A few years later, we
had to rush my mother – a heart patient to the hospital in an emergency. She was
serious. The doctor told us to inform the family. We prayed, waited with bated
breath till the doctor came back and told us that she was responding to the
treatment and on the way to recovery although the next 24 hours would be
crucial.
Thankfully she recovered and we were back
home after tiring 15 days. One day soon after, as I sat with my mother, she
spoke about having walked into the light! I sat up, tried to joke about it; but
then was intrigued and I asked her to tell me all about it. She spoke about
seeing a light and walking up to it. She spoke about seeing her long departed
parents and favorite uncle. She spoke about a sense of calm. She said that
they had asked her to prepare for a journey and to pack all her belongings and
her gold jewelry in a box! Not wanting to hear any further and absolutely scared
of what she was going to say, I joked and told her that maybe she should have
slept some more and then she would have probably heard her dad tell her to give
all her gold to me..her daughter!
That was a long time ago. Now it’s been
close to three year since my mother passed away and there is not a single day
when I don’t think about that conversation. What was Amma trying to tell me? Did
she really have a NED? What made her come back? Did she regret coming back?
Questions that have no answers....at least for NOW!
With all these in mind I picked up Anita
Moorjani’s “Dying to be me”, my journey from cancer, to near death, to true
healing. This is a true story of a woman – Anita Moorjani who battled cancer, seemingly
lost the battle, had a near death experience where she found a new meaning and
returned to life completely cured. She has taken it upon herself to share her
experience and her understanding with everyone who cares to know more. She freely
shares her thoughts and her understanding of cancer, “illness, fear, healing,
love and the true magnificence of each and every human being”*!
The book kept me awake all night. Her
childhood, her growing up, her finding love, her illness, her quest for
answers, her coma... I identified with them all...although I have not experienced
them personally. However they seemed to answer some of the questions I had with
regards to my mom. The portion where the male nurse is unable to find her veins
and says she is not going to make it, Anita in her out of body phase thinks, “He
sounds so helpless. He’s ready to give up on me, and I don’t blame him.” I remember
my mother telling me about how she was aware of the nurses and doctors working
on her and how she seemed detached to the event.
I cried as I read about Anita’s failing
health, skin lesions, falling hair, lost appetite. I cried when she left her
body and met her long departed father and friend. I read with concentration the
conversation she had with her father and I sighed a deep sigh of relief when
she came back. I read with surprise and amazement when her cancerous body
healed itself and I finally closed my eyes and wondered at her explanation.
I admit, some of the chapters on self
discovery and loving oneself still confuse me; but I am willing to give it
time. Only time, maturity and maybe my personal understanding of myself will simplify
these explanations. Till then, I recommend this book to anyone who is seeking
answers to some difficult questions about the self and about the universe.
Before I end I will quote one paragraph which
makes complete sense to me. I have always believed in “purpose”. There is a reason
someone comes into your life, a reason why you meet someone, a reason why
something happens and a reason why things work or don’t; there is a reason for
everything and every season.
I quote, “I saw my life intricately woven into
everything I’d known so far. My experience was like a single thread woven through
the huge and complexly colorful image of an infinite tapestry. All the other
threads and colors represented my relationships, including every life I’d
touched. There were threads representing my mother, my father, my brother, my
husband, and every other person who’d ever come into my life, whether they
related to me in a positive or negative way. .. Every single encounter was
woven together to create the fabric that was the sum of my life up to this
point. I may have been only one thread, yet I was integral to the overall finished
picture.”
#bookreview #dyingtobeme #anitamorjani #lifeafterdeath #cancer #dying #autobiography #truelifestory
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