If I Stay by Gayle Forman

A few years before my mom passed away she had a near death experience. I remember the day clearly like it was just yesterday. My mom was in hospital after a massive 4 hour long surgery with my brother and sister-in-law keeping vigil while dad and I were at home to catch some sleep. Somewhere around 3 in the morning my dad woke me up and said he wanted to go to the hospital. Groggy and tired, I persuaded him to go back to bed and promised that I’d go to the hospital as soon as the sun rose. As promised I went to the hospital at 6 am only to see an anxious brother and wife and frantic nurses running in and out of my mom’s room.

Things settled by around 9 and then the doctor told us that we were lucky to have my mom back because she had almost packed her bags and left. When we got to see her an hour later, she seemed drained and we decided not to talk about the scare she gave us. It took her almost a month to come home and after that too she was not her usual self. One day while drinking tea with her, she suddenly said “its exactly like they tell you..you know!”

I looked at her wondering what she was talking about. Seeing my puzzled look, she carried on..”Its like you read in the books. There is a dark tunnel, at the end of which is a bright blinding light. I felt weightless; I was drawn to that light. I walked and walked and had almost reached the end....”! With that she stopped and I realised much to my horror that she was talking about death! She was talking about walking the tunnel - the so called bridge between life and death!!

Chocking I tried to make light of the conversation and said; ‘yeh ..maybe the power failed and you could not see the end! Good thing it did, cause you are here and we have an inverter at home.”

She then looked up at me with a sad smile and said; “the power didn’t fail. I just didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to leave without finishing my duties. I have to see you married and only then can I rest.”

That was about 15 years ago. We did speak about the incident and over time we learnt to joke about it, laugh about it and even add bits to it. However deep down I shuddered at the thought of her going. But with all things inevitable, my mom finally did walk through the tunnel never to come back five years ago and I still struggle to come to terms with it.

Reading the book ‘If I Stay’ by Gayle Forman I went back to that day and time. This is a book about a young girl Mia Hall, whose hangs between life and death after a terrible car crash which kills her parents and younger brother. Suspended in this between life, she has to make a choice...to stay or to leave!

She follows her body from the accident site to the hospital and watches doctors, nurses, her family, friends and the love of her life hustle around her doing what they have to do to bring her back. But will she??

The book has also been adapted into a movie by the same name. Its been directed by R. J. Cutler and stars Chloë Grace Moretz, Mireille Enos, Jamie Blackley, Joshua Leonard, Stacy Keach and Aisha Hinds...but I believe movies don’t do justice to the range of emotions, thoughts, imagination that a book can give. 

I’d recommend reading this book... if only to give a thought to appreciate what you have in life and what you would do if you lost it in an instant.

Thank you Bookelphia for sourcing and lending this book to me.